The Beginning
This is the beginning for me, of my exploration. You may think that publishing my most inner thoughts is a bit on the odd side but that is simply what I need to do. I don’t want to be with a woman I just want to fantasies. My peers, my husband, my closest friend… they wouldn’t understand.
I began by looking at pictures of naked women in the web. I’d had a boyfriend who spent time doing that and I was curious. What is it about our bodies that make men so fascinated? I understand a real woman – at least there is the theoretical possibility of bedding her. But pictures? But as I looked I felt just a little something. It wasn’t sexual, really. I was simply drawn. And I noticed I was drawn, sometimes to one or another in particular. And so it began. For the remaining months we were together my boyfriend and I would occasionally surf picture sites together usually followed by particularly good love-making. He’d usually initiate our “special sessions” but I found myself hoping, more and more often, that he would. I didn’t think about sex with the women – I just enjoyed the “draw” I felt and the extra zest it gave our sex. He never confessed that he thought of the girls in the photos – and I never asked – but I think he did. That dimension did something for me as well.
Only after our split did I find myself resisting, at first, and then succumbing to the urge to browse some girlie picture sites. But that is for my next whisper.
